Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
