you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
