Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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