I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
