overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The air taste purple.
Randomize
