It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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