Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
