Apparently you make a good broom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
