you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
