she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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