i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
