The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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