im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
