Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
