Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
