recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
