I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
