hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
