Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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