just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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