If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
