We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
