I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
