you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
