If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
