just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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