Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
