I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
