My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
