so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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