Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just cropdusted the office
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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