I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
