I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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