She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
