dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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