the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
