butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
