You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
