whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
