that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
