He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
