i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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