the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
