I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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