Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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