He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
