It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
