im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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