i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
