just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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