im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
