I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She even gives head with a lisp.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
