i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
